Black Shroud

It's hard to explain how you feel to someone; when there are no words to explain how you feel, just an empty feeling deep down in your stomach. It's like a gut feeling that something isn't right or isn't going to be right; it can turn out to be nothing and that you were just worrying over nothing, but more often than not something happens. 

How do you talk to people about how you feel when nothing seems ok any more? There isn't a way to tell someone how bad you feel when what goes on in your head scares you, how can you pass your pain onto someone else. 

Maybe it's all in the head and all of the problems aren't actually there, but even if they aren't there, they were once or they feel so real that it eats you from the inside out. There's nothing like feeling like you're going insane; and that you're just constantly paranoid worrying about problems that don't exist, or worrying about problems that are being kept hidden. 

No one told me how messed up everything can get. No one tells anyone about the bad times, but they happen and when they do it can feel like the world is against you. It's like a black shroud covers everything and with everyday it gets darker and closer, pushing you down until there's nothing left to do apart from be swallowed by it. Without meaning to you're secluded and with what friends are left; there's no urge to see anyone everything just feels like a chore, the shroud covering everything feels more comforting than going out to see friends. 

What's even harder is when you can see what you're feeling is turning the people you love against you; it's not fair to inflict this pain onto them, no one should ever have to feel like this. 

I would rather be alone forever knowing that I can't inflict this emptiness onto anyone else, what kind of person would I be to destroy someone's happiness, because I can't feel any more.