Lumpy Life

I wouldn't say everything's gone wrong or that it's falling apart, but I wouldn't say that everything's going as well as it could be. A lot has happened in the past few weeks that has changed my mindset, and the way I have approached a lot of things. It's hard to explain the emotions running through my head, because I have so many ups and downs in the shortest periods of time; when I'm around people and busy doing things, even if it's cleaning the kitchen I'm happy because I'm distracted. I've said before that when I have time to myself and nothing to do, I start to think and I think in depth. I have a very long history, both family and the history I have made myself; in some weird world someone must have put a big black mark across my name, because a lot of my history hasn't come with the best of luck.  Coping with my bad luck has always been the biggest challenge, I have been told by several professionals that my condition is caused b...

There's so much and so little going through my head recently, both old and new information flooding my brain, making me process and re-surface everything from the past few years. All of my hopes and fears that have been and gone, but also everything that's new; pulling things that I haven't thought about in years, back up to the front of my mind making me re-evaluate decisions.  I'm finally in my new house, I'm exactly where I need and want to be right now but it seems to have made me confront a lot of problems I have ignored. I don't know if it's the change of environment and I'm making myself worry with past events, or whether I've been in such fast paced environments that I've never fully processed events at the time. I not only have free time to do things like go exploring the town, and do some sight seeing, but I have enough free time that I've found my head filled with thoughts and worries I can't control. It's times like thes...

I think over the past 10 years I've been ready and accepting of the fact that everything happens for a reason, whether it's good or bad everything will effect where I end up. I'm ready for everything to get better, I mean who isn't? It's what we all hope for, but I have finally come to terms with the fact that more often than not things go wrong. I've spoken about the numerous back up plans I've had to work through over the years, when it's come to basketball, my academics, and just life in general.  Now I've come across a new obstacle that I've never had to find a solution to before. In a month hopefully I will be starting the summer University course, however the house my sister and I had set up and in place has fallen through; meaning that neither of us have a home at this time. Neither of us are homeless or living on the streets, because we have people who will/are housing us until we can sort out our situation; but neither of us have a con...