Lumpy Life

I'm struggling. These past few weeks have finally gotten to me; I have now been in episode for 80 days, I've never have an episode this long. It's weird to think that I've not been myself and haven't felt myself for that long; I'm getting more tired as the days go on, my headaches are getting worse and I feel more spacey, like I'm not here sometimes. It's even weirder because everyone around me says that this seems like a light episode, and that I seem more coherent; they say I'm nearly like myself apart from the voice.   I don't know if it's because of how long I've been in episode that is making me feel this way, or that in my head everything is weird on such a regular basis and that I've been having episodes for 4 years, that I've started to be able to make people think I'm doing better than I am. There has never come a point in the past 4 years where I have ever been used to being in episode; I don't know when I

I see a lot of people I know who are around the same age as me posting things on facebook about how they're dropping out of sixth form, or college, or how they're going to fail an exam because they went to a party last night and only had a couple of hours sleep. I saw a lot of these things both in person in social media while I was still at school as well. I'm not judging anyone when I say this, but the only thing I can think when I see all of these things is how they are wasting one of the best opportunities they have been given, and it's free.  I got ill towards the end of my first year of GCSE's and I was the in the small group of students who started them a year early; I had three years instead of two to sit my GCSE's, I started with 12 GCSE's half way through dropped down to 5, and left school with 3 passing grades. I had an attendance of 16% and I watched people choose not to go to school, because it was a waste of their time; I worked and revised ev