Lumpy Life

If you asked me 3 years ago what my aims and goals for the future were; I could have carried on for hours, I had so many different fields I could have worked in, varying from a career in sports, to a career in engineering. I had so many plans for my future and still do, only now I don't know how many of them I'll be able to fulfil.  Don't get me wrong, I still dream big and always will do; because if I don't dream big and set goals for myself I'll give up. Without hopes and dreams none of us would be where we are today. I still plan on doing some of the things I hoped to do 3 years ago; but when I intend to carry out these plans, who knows? I have to think about practicality, and how everything will effect my body, my mind and my energy levels. My life now revolves around how I feel on that specific day, which no one can know until that day comes, some days I can wake up with all the energy in the world, and on other days I just about have the energy to breath.  The...

Since 2012 I have been having episodes where I am sleeping for prolonged periods of time and my mental age regresses to that of a 5 year old; for 3 years I have had to learn how to cope with this, at the age of 14 I had to learn how to grow up in a matter of seconds and try and accept that this is my life now. I would have been able to learn all this and cope a lot quicker if I could remember what happens in these episodes; I could get over the fact that I sleep a lot and my personality changes to a 5 year old, but not being able to remember hours, days, weeks, and months at a time is the hard part I'm practically sleeping my life away. Throughout these past 3 years I have been bounced around from Doctor to Doctor hearing the same thing from each of them; they don't know what's wrong with me so send me to another doctor, or they don't believe me and just sign me off their books. I have had doctors who have outright told me that I'm just acting because I want atte...

I've never believed that anyone in this world is "normal" because inside all of us there is that little bit of weirdness and what others might call abnormal, but there are times when I notice that I have more abnormalities than others. I try not to notice them because I know they shouldn't bother me; I am who I am and if someone doesn't like me well they can f*ck off haha, but when there's things and events that I can't do or can't go to it upsets me. I don't feel normal when I get asked to go somewhere but I can't because I'm too tired; it gets me thinking because I know that none of my friends have to think about if they're too tired to go out, their only worry is if they have the money and then how they're going to get there. I know that my body isn't the same as my friends and it can't cope and keep up with all of the activities that they do, but I dream for the day when I don't have to consider how tired I am and ...