Lumpy Life

It's amazing how so much can change so quickly; when i look back over the past three years, all i can think of is how different my life could have been if things had turned out differently. If i hadn't fallen ill three years ago with a mysterious illness which is still trying to be diagnosed, things would be very different.  Before i fell ill i was a high achieving 13 going on 14 year old in both my academics and my sports; playing basketball for the county and going for England trials that year, whilst also aiming to sit and complete my GCSE's a year early so i could enrol in college a year early with basketball as my main course.Everything i did was in the hope of pursuing a career in basketball. Now im 16 years old soon to be 17; basketball is no more in my life, and i passed my GCSE's by the skin of my teeth. Instead of pursuing a career in basketball i have had to change my career path because of my illness; it is rare for me to have enough energy to get out ...

Have you ever felt like you're not yourself? That everything around you is hidden behind some kind of fog, only being able to make out a few details when you squint your eyes and think really hard. I've spoken to people before and watched films where they have said that they don't feel like themselves, or that they feel like they're in someone else's body, I never understood what they meant until recently.  It's hard to understand until you've experienced it yourself; but it is not something that I want anyone to experience, feeling like you're in someone else's body and mind and like you're watching from an outside perspective, is not a fun experience. Watching yourself make so many mistakes and trying to fix them; but only making them worse because what you meant to say is not what was said, there have been so many times recently when I've said something and it sounds right in my head, but I sound like the biggest bitch alive when I actua...