Lumpy Life

I often feel like an outsider looking down on myself and those around me, trying to make sense of everything happening. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I'm now technically a self-sufficient adult, the fact that I live on my own now is surreal I often question whether I'm dreaming or not. Then reality sets in and I know that it's not a dream. So many things going right, lifting my self-esteem until all the wrongs overcome me leaving me helpless once more.  There have been countless times where I've felt like I'm finally in control of my body, my life and my mind, opening up doors and giving me hope for the future, feeling optimistic that my condition won't define me forever, until I inevitably lose control once more. There are some things I have learnt to control over the years, like helping to extend my well periods by reducing stress and taking extra care of my body. What people don't tell you is how you learn to cope with the aspects you...

I made it. I got further than I ever thought I would. I've actually been accepted into University, and I haven't been so happy in years; things are finally going my way, and I'm not worrying about my next move in life. My worries are now the same as the rest of my peers, I don't feel like I'm five steps behind everyone else anymore, I'm progressing at the same speed as everyone else, despite all of my setbacks. I've always pushed hard for everything that I've wanted, making sure I get there and fighting every step of the way until I achieve it. I remember sitting in school after I'd gotten ill, and I was talking with one of my teachers who didn't know me when I was well; basically telling me that no matter how hard I would try, I wouldn't be able to go to University, nor would I be able to live alone. Going from being told I'd be living in America on my own at 17, playing basketball at University on scholarship, and then in the space of...

Do you ever wonder if there's someone watching your life, waiting for everything to start to look up, and then they wreak havoc? In an instant everything's up in the air, and the happiness and enthusiasm you once had, broken down until it's just you. I don't know if it's just how anxious I am in general, or events that have happened, but I find myself in constant preparation for the worst to happen.  There are a lot of things that have happened recently, that have thrown me off course and knocked me back. Situations I haven't seen coming, nor did I ever think they would happen; effecting everything around me and making me feel insignificant. I keep doing things wrong and hurting those around me without meaning, it's come to the point where I'm deliberately removing myself. I've never really spent a lot of time socialising in person with other people, and for the past two years I have spent the majority of the time alone.I can't change what'...