Back on track

I think I'm back. It's been so long since I've actually felt like myself; but how I've been feeling the past two weeks is definitely a step in the right direction, I'm pushing myself to do all of the things I love but have avoided for so long. I've gotten in touch with old friends, I've even made new friends that accept me for who I am. I do struggle in social situations and I always have done, since I've been emerging from my cave (my bedroom) more often I've opened up to so much; including entering myself in a beauty pageant, never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would be competing a beauty pageant.

I am not your size 0, 6ft, blonde model type girl that would normally apply for a competition like this; after watching my sister compete last year it made me realise and see how much more there is to pageants like this. Even though my sister didn't win, watching the confidence she gained in herself and the motivation it gave her, something clicked in my head that this is would be good for me too. I am not one to turn something away because it's different I will try everything at least once; a life without experiences is a life with regret in my eyes, there is so much I have missed out on because of my illness, and there many things I do regret not having done. 

By entering this competition I am finally setting myself up with a goal; I finally have something I am working towards, I may not win but everything leading up to the competition and the competition itself will give me an experience I will never forget. It's so much more than just looking pretty and strutting around in some dresses; there is so much work behind it all, with some very creative and helpful aspects. One of the requirements of entering is that you are raising money for the charity Beauty with a Purpose; which is such an amazing charity that helps underprivileged in the UK, even if I don't win the competition I am helping to make someone else's life better in some way by raising this money.  

Most of all doing something like this will and already is helping me to be more comfortable with myself; I have never liked the way I look, nor have I ever had the confidence to put myself in a situation where all eyes will be on me mostly for the way I look. I already find myself having more motivation to get up and do things, I have tasks that I need to do like making a dress out of recycled materials. I no longer feel like I am wondering around aimlessly doing random crap, what I do now has some sort of purpose, and I can't say I've been happier than I am right now. Finally feels like I've got hold of my life, and I might not be as stuck as I have made myself feel for so long now.

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