Lumpy Life

I've changed a lot over the past few years, obviously, but now I feel like I've changed so much that I'm not even sure who I am any more. I can have so many different moods throughout one day, that I don't even feel like the same person I woke up as this morning. So much has happened to me that I'm not sure if it's me being ill causing this, or if my lack of memory and funny periods that make me feel like I should have just taken a tab of acid or something. People still look at me the same way and to me it doesn't seem as though they see a difference, but I notice the difference; when they look at me in the same way and talk to me in the same way, it's not them I notice. I notice my reaction to the way they're looking at me and how they're talking to me, something doesn't feel right for some reason this conversation is boring me, and just looking at them is making me angry, but I don't know why. I spend so much of my time alone th...

There are several things i've learnt over the past 3 years; some i've learnt from stupid mistakes, and others i've learnt from just watching; I've learnt that good people get hurt for no reason, and sometimes there is absolutely nothing you can do, I've also learnt that life doesn't give you what you want, if you want something you've got to work damn hard for it, but maybe the most important thing i've learnt is that nothing in the world matters as much as the people you choose to surround yourself with. The people you choose to have in your life should be the people you know will be there when you're at your weakest and you need a helping hand, it's only when something happens that you truly discover who is there for you. I have lost several people i thought were my friends since i got ill, many people couldn't accept my illness and who just didn't understand. I mean i understand that people don't understand and can't wrap the...

As a child you're told that when you grow up you'll go to school, get a job, meet someone, have kids, get married you know all that boring stuff; but what you don't get told is how hard it is to get up in the morning knowing that you're going to go to school to sit in a lesson that you know nothing about. No one tells you how your mind can turn you against yourself, seeing only a stupid worthless thing staring back at you; no one tells you that even though you want to be alone that's when everything's at it's worst. No one tells you how to fake a smile when all you want to do is cry, no one tells you how to dismantle a razor blade, and I'm certain that no one tells you how much relief you can feel when that silver blade is dragged across your wrist. No one tells us these things yet there are so many people all over the world who have done all of these things and still do. I know a few people who have been through this, I have also been through this my...